Second day

Had to weigh myself 3 times on the electronic scale. It gives a different answer every time. I'll settle for 192 lbs. My goal to start with is between 165 and 170. I say to start with because I am starting to like this idea of loosing control, maybe we could shoot for a dress to fit into. I have been 140 to 145 and been fit. Androgyny appeals to me. With all you can read, calorie restriction is supposed to ad years to your life. Lizzy is topping me in a strange sort of way and it excites me.  

Trust

Oh I do trust her. I feel so deep inside that I would trust her with most anything. I can feel vulnerable with her. I can really let go and trust and feel good.

My first day

My first day with the eating experiment. Got up and didn't check my email right away, when I did I found that Liz had already sent me emails to get started. Unusual feeling this loosing control but in a way I feel two things. Nervous/afraid and longing. This is crazy, I'm nervous and afraid that I will make mistakes and Liz will get mad at me. But at the same time if feel almost a sexual longing to be treated like I'm not capable. She is already on me about thing she wrote. I've been asking her questions but she has answered more subjectively than objectively. I feel like I am going to fall apart if I am not guided through everything. I need to go shopping or she is going to get pissed.